A couple of months ago, I was asked to surrender one of my absolute favourite heart projects in Europe. The leadership had chosen new structures and new leaders. For nine years I had taken part in leading this project, most of the time as managing director. Many thoughts and emotions haven been going through my mind lately.
At the beginning, it was very difficult for me to confront my emotions and thoughts with the truth. I felt like a failure, was worried about my reputation, often felt lonely, had spontaneous outbursts of crying and great pressure lay on my mind.
I felt like a failure, was worried about my reputation, often felt lonely, had spontaneous outbursts of crying and great pressure lay on my mind.
Insecurity regarding the future and other projects became apparent. I decided not to ask God or other people for the why. In this challenging time for me I am so grateful that it did not make me question my faith in God. I know that he loves me regardless of my position. And with all leadership - I am primarily a beloved child of God!
I had a good older friend and mentor by my side who purposely accompanied me in that changing time and who challenged me to end the project well, celebrate my team, say good-bye and allow myself to grieve.
Slowly but surely I see light at the end of the tunnel again, thank God and [thanks to] kind people around me. And I am learning to give myself the space for such a special time and not to hastily take self-built steps. A while ago, at the invite of said mentor I flew to England to receive a truly therapeutic debriefing by a psychologist. What a blessing to experience something like that.
Among other things, we have looked at the story of the prophet Elijah from 1 Kings 17 together and how God went through the crisis with him.
In doing so, I have become aware of different things, especially the order in which God encounters Elijah and the sequence until Elijah is sent out again.
Sleep - after his crisis with the worshippers of Baal, first of all he had a rest
Touch and being allowed to tell the story - God repeatedly asks him for his experiences, the angel touches him
Recovery and rest - Elijah strengthens himself and recovers
Food and exercise - an angel provides food for him and Elijah then walks to the mountain of God for 40 days
Support and followers - who would go with Elijah?
Listening to Godˈs voice
These have become precious impulses for me. I, being Evi, always want an immediate follow-up plan and want to know what God has planned with me know, but I first have to go through phases one to five to then be ready again to listen to Godˈs voice.
And in those phases we need people who love us, pray for us, grieve and celebrate with us when then God speaks!
I am very curious about that! And in the meantime, I learn more about living by grace, proclaiming Godˈs truth over my life and being a child of God!
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